When the Eras tour arrived in London last week, it provoked a feeding frenzy of second-hand clout. While some public figures were clearly just there to enjoy themselves, for others it seemed more like a carefully managed PR exercise, where the most important thing was to be seen. There is nothing embarrassing about going to the Eras tour, but there is something embarrassing about exploiting the occasion as an opportunity for cynical self-branding. Taylor Swift is not a popularity cow to be milked by members of the royal family and political establishment. Here are some of the worst offenders (and some who are innocent).
Swifties of the world unite: I am demanding a parliamentary enquiry into how Keir Starmer got tickets for the Eras tour, because he sure as hell didn’t spend hours sweating in an online queue. Some of my friends are Swifties, and I saw first-hand the hell they endured in their quest to get tickets. I saw the tears and the triumph; I saw the late nights and the colour-coded spreadsheets. Some were lucky enough to part with their hard-earned money and others were left destroyed by the disappointment. I was there and I remember it all too well. And now this Right Honorable Fraud – this local – swans into the best seats in the house?
Keir Starmer, j’accuse…! You are the vilest and most contemptible thing of all: a fake Swiftie. Rank your five favourite tracks produced by Aaron Dressner. Sing the second verse of “Hits Different”. Write a 500-word personal essay about a time in your life when you felt to be in your ‘Reputation Era’, and don’t you fucking dare use ChatGPT. No…? I didn’t think so.
One of Keir Starmer’s most sinister qualities, for me, is that he pretends to have a worse taste in music than he actually does for reasons of political expediency (he loves Orange Juice, for example, who are a great band). But in his pursuit of power, he has sanded down his own personality and made himself as bland and widely appealing as possible. Obviously there are some straight, middle-aged men who like Taylor Swift, but I don’t believe that he’s among them – he’s just hitching his wagon to a popular figure and hoping some of the magic will rub off on him.
Phoebe Waller-Bridge and Andrew Scott rush back to the VIP tent when they hear the intro to “Style” at Taylor Swift’s ‘Eras Tour.’ pic.twitter.com/2yvWvv2HHp
The former Fleabag stars were spotted making their way out of the VIP tent and then rushing back as soon as they heard the opening chords to “Style” – OMG, celebrities are just like us! This is exactly like when you and your friends sprint from the smoking area to the dancefloor when the DJ drops your favourite track! This one isn’t embarrassing for them (they didn’t do anything wrong); it’s embarrassing for us, the viewer at home. I feel degraded by being invited to enjoy this spectacle. Call me an embittered hater, but I don’t feel fortunate at being blessed with footage of celebrities having a fabulous yet relatable time in the VIP tent. There’s something depressing about the idea of hyperventilating with excitement because two people who you don’t know hung out together at a gig. I’m glad they had a nice time, but it’s none of my business. And besides, it should have been me in that VIP tent.
This is so funny! Greta and Travis vibing, Ross hyping Tom Cruise to jam w them, Jason and his long lost Hemsworth brother vibing in the back, Ashton Kutcher looking over to the killa gang because he’s matching their energy getting the whole tent hype like it’s so good! 😂 pic.twitter.com/fqgkNjDgM9
Sorry but I can’t bring myself to argue that this video of Tom Cruise letting his hair down is “embarrassing”, whether he missed his daughter’s graduation or not. He’s Tom bloody Cruise! The last movie star! He is dancing with just the right the level of enthusiasm for a middle-aged man; neither above it all nor doing too much. As wedding season is upon us, 61-year-old men around the world should take note.
From the same video, we also have to give an honourable mention to Greta Gerwig, who looks like she’s in a state of genuinely ecstatic, rapturous joy – it’s hard to begrudge her for that. Maybe, in spite of what I’ve just said about Andrew Scott and Phoebe Waller-Bridge, I’m not immune to the charms of celebrities goofing around after all.
Cate Blanchett at Taylor Swift’s ‘The Eras Tour’ in London. pic.twitter.com/A03uJ3YHHn
Cate Blanchett has earned an honorary mention as the least embarrassing celebrity at the Eras tour. Whether she is coldly indifferent or concentrating on the music as hard as you would at the opera, it’s a more elegant look than mugging for the camera or doing anything so gauche as visibly having fun.
hugh grant actually arriving early to watch paramore’s set while eating carrots????? i don’t know what to say pic.twitter.com/qRegYEmewO
… But on the other end of the spectrum, Hugh Grant eating carrots and tweeting about doing tequila with Travis Kelce was so corny that it became endearing. #TequilaShots all round!
I am sorry but prince william dancing to shake it off has me wheeeeeezing pic.twitter.com/hDyLxtJIdt
The idea of the “divine right to rule” started to fall off in the 17th century, and ever since the royal family has depended upon status and prestige to survive. Why would we accept our head of state being an unelected aristocrat, unless they were clouty? What other source of legitimacy would they even have? For that reason, the British monarchy has cultivated a parasitic relationship with popular culture from the 20th century onwards. When the Beatles were awarded an MBE in 1965, Labour MP Tony Benn wrote, “The plain truth is that the Beatles have done far more for the royal family by accepting MBEs than the royal family have done for the Beatles by giving them. Nobody goes to see the Beatles because they’ve got MBEs but the royal family loves the idea that the honours list is popular because it all helps to buttress them and indirectly their influence is used to strengthen all the forces of conservatism in society.”
Benn’s point still stands today: Taylor Swift has done more for the royal family by getting a photograph taken with them than vice versa. She is a far more popular and influential person than Prince William, and in some respects a more powerful one. She got a nice holiday snap; he got the opportunity to ingratiate himself with the audience of the world’s favourite celebrity.
It is a big PR coup for the royal family, which is unfortunate, given they are a symbol of everything conservative, backwards-looking and elitist about the UK. Realistically, she wasn’t going to tell them to piss off, but I wish she had. Instead of posing for a photo with William, she should have rallied her fanbase, staged a military coup, and overthrown the unelected regime which keeps Britain in chains. Still, there’s always the August dates! 🙏
