Taylor Swift released her 11th album “The Tortured Poets Department” last week − and with it, more soul-bearing lyrics like this one that are hitting deep for fans: “And I’m pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free.”
This particular line comes on the track “So Long, London” and seems to be about feeling strung along in a relationship. Though Swift hasn’t shared her inspiration for the song, it comes after the end of her romance with British actor Joe Alwyn, the singer’s longest public relationship, which lasted six years.
Following the song’s release, Swifties expressed on social media they know the pain of spending years in a stagnant relationship all too well.
“i’ve been ruminating on the line ‘and i’m pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free,’ ” wrote one X user. “the best parts of my 20’s and the last of my health were sacrificed on the altar of service.”
“right place wrong person is for the girlies who relate to I can’t believe I gave you all that youth for free,” wrote another.
“looked at my partner of 6 years and told him he better never let me resonate with the ‘im pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free’ line – ik he’s tired of taylor’s music making me pick fights,” another wrote.
Experts previously told USA TODAY there is some truth to the belief that, if a relationship drags on without a proposal or a wedding, it might mean one partner isn’t as serious about the relationship as the other partner is; however, they also said there’s more to the story and each relationship should be looked at in context.
Not necessarily. It mainly comes down to why a proposal is taking time.
And experts say it’s impossible to know someone’s intentions for a relationship unless you have a direct conversation about it. They say it’s also more important to look at your partner’s behavior in the relationship over time rather than the length of the relationship itself.
“You have to look at, overall, what’s the track history of this person in this relationship in terms of being honest and open in general,” Gary Brown, a licensed marriage and family therapist, previously told USA TODAY.
In songs on a previous album, like “Paper Rings” and “Lover,” Swift seems to sing about her deep desire to get married and wanting a love that lasts a lifetime. On “So Long, London,” she seems to sing about withering away while waiting for a marriage ceremony: “You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues? / I died on the altar waiting for the proof.”
If you’re worried that you and your partner are not on the same page about marriage, it’s important to have an honest talk with them and to stay gentle, yet firm, in your standards, especially if you fear someone proposed just to placate you.
“I would advise somebody to just ask and say, ‘I just really want to understand what this ring means, because I know in my head what I want and what I hope it means, but I know you could be on a different page than me, so can we sit and talk about this?’ ” licensed psychotherapist Marni Feuerman said.
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Still, sometimes, there are valid reasons for delaying marriage.
For instance, many people prefer to hold off on a wedding until they’ve become financially stable enough to support a marriage and family. This, however, doesn’t mean they aren’t serious about their relationship.
It’s a different issue if your partner is hiding behind fake excuses to put off tying the knot. In Swift’s case, she sings about the emotional toll this resistance takes on the relationship overall too, noting her partner had “quiet resentment” and was “not sure if he wants to be there.”
“It’s one thing to say, ‘I want to marry this person, I have a plan, I have intentions to do that, but there’s just some things I need to clean up and some things I need to order,’ ” marriage and family therapist Kiaundra Jackson said. “Versus, ‘I’ve been with you for eight years, and I really don’t know if I ever want to get married or if I want to marry you.’ That is a massive red flag to me.”
More:Taylor Swift, Joe Alwyn and why we’re so invested in celebrities’ love lives
Another red flag, she said, is if someone wants to rush into marriage too soon. This can happen due to familial or societal pressure.
It’s also important that both you and your partner are psychologically ready to handle the ups and downs of married life. If you’re not, it’s probably best to hold off on marriage while you work on yourselves.
If your partner is dead-set against marriage, however, and you know that’s a deal-breaker, then it’s probably best to part ways.
“Having self-awareness is super important in these circumstances,” Feuerman said. “What is a real reason that is ‘I can’t really afford it’ or something like that, versus ‘I have a lot of mixed feelings about marriage.’ “
And if you’re feeling “down bad” about giving years to a relationship that wasn’t meant to be, don’t worry: Your next “Lover” era might be just around the corner.
